Hard to get back into the habit of blogging again. With facebook and chatting it seems almost moot at times to come here. But sometimes it is better to just talk to myself so here I am.
Talking to myself.
I moved all the boxes from the guest room/craft room out and then into the closet there organized and at least out of the way. now to just tidy up and it will be ready for company and for setting up the crafty part of it. now the pain sits in. I am in so much pain right now I have tears rolling down my face. I am so tired of hurting when I do things or hurting too much to do something or being so tired I just cannot hardly move.
Then I feel guilty and get anxious then I hurt worse. Vicious cycle…
Things have not bee good around here. I have not been very productive in being a housewife. Which makes for an unhappy family. I am trying to be better, honest to god I am, but sometimes I just cannot do it. I do what I can. I have to force myself to do it. My problem is sometimes I don’t force myself to do anything and therein lies the problem.
so, in order to keep my family together I will try my best to push myself to do everything that I can do to make my family happy again. I want my happy family back.
My problem is, I think in how much it hurt to do something, if I am hurting worse, then what ever I did was good enough. I cannot think in that way any longer. Nothing is ever good enough. It is time I realized that. Nothing is good enough unless my family is happy with it. I cannot stop.
there are no excuses in not keeping your family happy. I canot use my fibromyalgia or my anxiety as an excuse any longer.
So I will try my best to just deal with it and be productive.
tomorrow I go to the new dr, I hate new drs and new insurance. I am so worried this dr will be one who doesn’t believe in fibro or is just a jackass… so I am really worked up about this apt.
i need something for pain and thats scares me too… I am so scared they will think I am some druggy wanting pain meds….but I do… I cannot keep my family together unless I can function on a daily basis and some days I just hurt to bad to function.
… that’s where I am right now…
kari .. sometimes a “happy” family needs to understand you cant do it all….seriously.. you cant sacrifice yourself and your sanity to keep others happy .. there has to be a middle ground
Define “happy family”. Kari, when I have a flare, it’s stressful on all, but it all can’t be done. I am not Superwoman and neither are you. So things are out of place and you might have cereal one night for dinner, it’s part of the fibro. My family is happy, the house isn’t perfect, the dinner’s are sometimes thrown together or not ready at all and sometimes laundry is piled up, however, it gets caught up.
Take the good when it’s there and relish it and when it’s bad, it will pass.